Fires Only Imagined
by Heather Cat
Summary: Ironic songfic about Vincent's thoughts and memories just before he closes his coffin lid. Set to the song 'Torn' by Creed.


Fires Only Imagined  
  
By Heather Cat  
  
Torn by Creed  
  
  
  
The night was black and it surrounded Vincent and hid his sins. That was all he wanted. The darkness inside of Vincent felt a kinship with the night, and more and more often he found himself pulled into the dark streets of Nibelheim. The moon was always there to greet him, and its baleful glare was the only light he could see.  
  
They told him that the world was at peace, safe and content for the time being. Well, it wasn't the only one who'd gotten more then they'd bargained for. Because, in the end, Vincent was a part of this eternal night, and he could never be free. They say you never forget, but he couldn't ever remember being able to fly away.  
  
Peace is what they tell me  
  
Love am I unholy  
  
It stretched back into the fathomless depths of his past. That was a darkness that even he dared not tread these nights. There were some things left best forgotten, but the problem was that Vincent's mind had been warped to remember. The horrors of long ago days stalked him every waking moment, and the ghost of Lucrecia screamed again and again as she fell into the blackness. She was still alive? It didn't matter. To him, and in his heart, she was dead. Around every corner, Hojo lurked with that hateful smirk upon his lips. It would take more than a little bit of sunshine to free Vincent Valentine.  
  
Lies are what they tell me  
  
Despise you that control me  
  
Some people claimed to have inner demons, but they didn't know half the truth. Long, long ago, Vincent had abandoned the only person he'd ever loved and now it was time to suffer the consequences. Every night guilt racked his locked soul, like burning claws ripping him apart. He imagined giving himself over to the night; never feeling the burning self-hatred of the wracking words that echoed in the vaults of his mind.  
  
But it was still his fault. This was his punishment, and he would endure it no matter how harsh. He would have no peace until he had found a way to repent his sins. He only wondered if that could ever be.  
  
The peace is dead in my soul  
  
I have blamed the reasons for  
  
My intentions poor  
  
Would anyone else have done what he had? Would they now suffer like he did? Questions plagued him although he wished he were able to dismiss them. But then again, such questions were immaterial. Vincent did what he did because he had too. He was driven by something inside that left to time for rest and would not pause to help those that fell by the wayside.  
  
Yes I'm the one who  
  
The only one who  
  
Would carry on this far  
  
The past was a dark beast that hid in the corn stalks, waiting for him to walk past, all unawares. Every time he tried to make peace with himself, it came back. All his old ways and decisions screamed for his attention, and he could no more ignore them then he could turn back time. That was a thought. To go again into the past would be to have another chance, but that was something Vincent didn't believe he deserved. Still it was something he craved. Those black demons in his mind laughed at his hope, and kicked at it cruelly. He didn't need to go back in time to watch it over again; he saw it every night in his head anyway.  
  
Torn, I'm filthy  
  
Born in my own misery  
  
Stole all that you gave me  
  
Control you claim you save me  
  
Lucrecia walked down the mansion steps, her face drawn and pale. Her glorious, dark lavender eyes seemed shadowed. It was obvious that she wasn't sleeping, and she seemed thinner then he remembered. But he also remembered a time when she had bounded down those stairs with her impish grin, eyes flashing. Now she was listless and lifeless.  
  
He wanted to find out what was wrong and turn away the darkness that ate at her, but she refused to let him. Instead she returned day after day to Professor Hojo and that ghastly experiment. Once he had tried to confront her, and offer help, but she had fled away into the night in tears. Ever since, Vincent had kept his distance respectfully even as worry gnawed at his heart.  
  
The peace is dead in my soul  
  
I have blamed the reasons for  
  
My intentions poor  
  
That night. She had refused to tell him that she didn't love him, and he had struck her cheek in a rage. She had fled to Professor Hojo's waiting arms and his oily smile that made Vincent's skin creep. After that, Vincent had turned away from her in his own self-absorbed misery, never to concern himself with her affairs again. He had ignored her descent into misery and turned away when she had cried for help. And then it had been too late.  
  
Yes I'm the one who  
  
The only one who  
  
Would carry on this far  
  
After Sephiroth's birth, Lucrecia had been an unneeded part of the experiment. Hojo had locked her away and performed a few final tests before spiriting the child off. Lucrecia had been left to wail her pain and horror to the sky. When Vincent had found out about it, he'd lost control and tried to stop Hojo. Unfortunately, the insane scientist had been waiting for him with a gun.  
  
Vincent had been shot, drugged and then had terrible things done to his body before being sealed away in this godforsaken cave. Hojo had left the failed experiments to die or simply rot away in their own sorrow. Of course, there was no door that could withstand Vincent now, and he often went out into the night when there was no one around to see. His eyes told the whole story, and he never wanted anyone to see what he hated so much himself. His whole life had been a lie.  
  
Peace in my head  
  
Love in my head  
  
Lies lies lies lies in my head.  
  
Now Chaos lay dormant inside Vincent, just waiting for a moment of emotional weakness when he could break free. But Vincent knew what horrors Chaos could do, and he sealed the monster away with a wall of ice. Because of the things that had been done to him, Vincent was like no other human being. His unreal speed and endurance could have been a formidable weapon. But now there was no one with whom he would fight; no cause worth fighting for.  
  
The peace is dead in my soul  
  
I have blamed the reasons for  
  
My intentions poor  
  
He had been a Turk long ago, when he had worked for Shinra. He sort of wondered what his life would have been like if not for Lucrecia and Hojo. Probably a short stint as a professional hit man culminating in his early death during a mission gone wrong. Vincent couldn't remember any stories of a Turk making it past thirty. Yes, it was a glory-less life of perpetual fear, hatred and death. He wondered now why anyone would choose such a life. But then again, there were those who had no other choice. The most he could hope for was that the group no longer existed to tear out the souls of the unfortunate.  
  
Yes I'm the one who  
  
The only one who  
  
Would carry on this far  
  
He walked towards the city outskirts, his mind trapped in its own dark and bitter cage. He lived in his own prison, and didn't even notice. Oh, he knew that it was the truth, but it was a state of existence. Somewhere out there was Lucrecia, who held her own grief as tightly as he did. But she was a shallow, broken image of the woman he had loved and nothing more. Also out there were others like him, people trapped in their own illusions. He hoped he would never meet them.  
  
The peace is dead in my soul  
  
I have blamed the reasons for  
  
My intentions poor  
  
Somewhere far away, Sephiroth walked free, unaware of all the lives ruined to bring him into the world. Vincent didn't know if the man would be evil, kind, charitable or even insane. All he knew was that Sephiroth carried a debt he didn't even know was there, and one day he would pay dearly for it.  
  
Someday Vincent might be freed from his own, but not tonight. Bidding goodbye to the moon, he turned back the way he had come. Soon there would be snow, and the frozen ground would crunch under his feet. For some reason, the notion chilled Vincent, and he tried not to think about. For now, he would go back to his coffin. Maybe it was time he turned away from the night for the emptiness sleep would bring. Yes, he would sleep eternally in the blissful darkness. As he returned to the black room and locked the door, Vincent settled in with his nightmares. They would be companions for the rest of Time. He closed his eyes, not to know that that night Nibelheim burned.  
  
Yes I'm the one who  
  
The only one who  
  
Would carry on this far 


End file.
